


The Long Way Home

by tinhead01



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:30:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4898533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinhead01/pseuds/tinhead01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Shepard destroys the Reapers and the Citadel, she struggles to find a way out. The crew of the Normandy try to find their way back to the Sol system while mourning the loss of loved ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

[Shepard awakened to the song of the black-throated blue warbler nesting in the trees outside her window and the strong aroma of freshly brewed coffee from the kitchen downstairs. As her eyes opened, she was greeted with the reds and yellows of autumn leaves dancing in the breeze and draping the room in dappled sunlight.  
“Is there a more wonderful sight than Canada in the fall?” she breathed. Rolling over, the warm and familiar muscled chest of Kaidan Alenko shuddered beneath her fingers. “Well, I’m liking this too!”  
Stifling a yawn and rubbing his eyes Kaidan smiled at the woman he has always loved and kissed her gently. “Good morning. How long have you been awake?”  
“Long enough to take in the sights.” She smirked as her eyes followed the contours of his chiseled six-pack.  
Kaidan laughed in that adorably shy way of his. “Ya, I do my best to stay in shape.” His hand gently caressed the bump formed on Shepard’s belly. “I really like your shape, too! Is that coffee I smell?” Standing and stretching he headed for the shower.  
As Shepard climbed out of bed, she felt the baby inside her kick in protest. She headed to the next room to check on David, their 2 yr. old. “He looks just like Kaidan when he sleeps.” She whispered into the quiet room.  
A little later, they headed to the kitchen and were greeted by James Vega at the stove. “Anyone up for eggs? Commander? Kaidan? Eggs?”  
“Thanks James,” Shepard responded. “I’ll start with coffee. How did you sleep? The bed wasn’t too soft for you was it?”  
Before James can reply, Shepard dropped her coffee as pain radiated her abdomen and back. “Kaidan, I think it’s time!”]  
   
“Aaaahhhhh!” The pain radiating from Shepard’s back through to her abdomen was excruciating. Looking down, she saw the piece of rebar sticking through her and felt the sticky mess of her own blood seeping through her clothes. Fortunately, the rebar was cleanly through the fleshy part of her side missing all vital organs. “No wonder it hurts. Oh, and I was having the best dream!”  
“Hello? Is anybody there?” she yelled into the black halls of the crucible where she fell when it exploded. Only silence greeted her. The eerie silence only found in space. No hum of electricity or sound of machinery. Even her com was silent – not even a crackle – just silence. So quiet that the creak and groan of the shifting panels was almost deafening.  
After a few agonizing minutes that felt like hours, Shepard realized that she was alone. “Well,” she said “If this isn’t just like N7 training all over again. I’m too old for this crap.” Carefully she took stock of her surroundings. The Catalyst didn’t lie, nothing electronic works. Not much here for salvage but she still had medigel and incendiary rounds. She could safely remove the rebar and cauterize the wound. Even with the medigel, this was going to leave a mark.” No more bikinis for me!” she thought.   
Satisfied that she was going to live, she closed her eyes and dreamed again of the future with Kaidan that now seemed impossible.  
 


	2. Chapter 2

The surviving crew of the SSV Normandy stood on the crew deck in front of the memorial wall while Kaidan reverently placed the names of Admiral David Edward Anderson and Commander Shepard between the rows of the names of their previously fallen comrades.  
No one is able to speak and no words of comfort would ever satisfy the deep sense of sadness and loss felt by the crew. Shepard was more than just another commander in the Alliance Navy. She was a fierce friend and protector. One by one they turned and walked with slumped shoulders and wet faces to mourn in their own way.

Thinking that he was finally alone, kaidan caressed Shepard’s name plate and choked back a sob. “I never should have let you go alone to the crucible. I should have insisted I stay with you. I can’t do this again. I can’t lose you again!”  
A pale blue hand gently squeezed his shoulder and Liara T’Soni turned Kaidan to face her. As they comforted each other in a warm embrace Liara whispered, “You know, Kaidan, she came back to us once before…. If we can just find her body maybe Miranda could…” She let the sentence hang there as silent tears fell off her eyelashes.

“There’s no way anyone could have survived that blast! Joker barely got us out alive in the most advanced ship in the Alliance! I can’t go looking, hoping to find her just to confirm that she’s gone!” Kaidan turned on his heel and entered the elevator to the captain’s cabin in the loft of the ship.  
In Shepard’s absence Kaidan was made Commander of the Normandy with Garrus as his XO. After all, you can take the crew out of the Alliance but… Up in the loft, Kaidan stood watching the fish swim around the tank and began to relax. He fed them and topped up Boo the space hamster’s food and water. Then he showered, dressed and headed to the port side lounge on deck 3 where a memorial for Shepard was being held. He entered to the sound of laughter.

“Kaidan,” Tali shouted over the din of conversation “come join us. We’re telling stories about Shepard!”  
“You’re idea, James, you start.” Said Communications Specialist Traynor in that very thick British accent of hers.

James Vega, a tank of man with “marine” practically stamped on his forehead. He was a reckless guy with a huge chip on his shoulder. He was in top physical form and he wasn’t shy about flaunting his bourgeoning muscles. He’d be the first to tell you that no biotic power in the galaxy could match the conditioning of “one very fine James Vega”. “All right, all right.” James chugged the last of his cervasa and started to speak. “Commander Shepard actually sparred with me after I crashed a shuttle on Mars. She parked me on my ass and set me straight about some of my more reckless behaviors. Man, she was small but strong! I remember she was asking about my service record and shit but I was in the middle of honing these very fine guns; just look at these babies!” he said while flexing. “Anyway, I asked her if she could talk and dance. She said ‘Oh, yeah, I can dance!’ “Everyone burst out laughing at that one. Shepard could not actually dance. Fight, yes. Dance, no.

“Did you know,” slurred Traynor, “that the Commander is a lousy chess player too? She invited me to her cabin to play and she tried to use real life strategies on an 8 by 8 chess board. She also taught me how to be a soldier and not just a communications geek. And she always took the time to chat. She also used my toothbrush to save the Normandy!” Communication Specialist Samantha Traynor first came aboard the Normandy during the retrofits after surviving the trip through the Omega 4 Relay and was aboard the ship when she escaped Earth as the Reapers descended. Traynor gets very excited about solving technical problems and “scanning the crap out of something”.

“I remember that.” Said Tali, “I was with her when she bought you a replacement toothbrush." Tali fumbled with her straw and began her story. “Shepard gave me the intel on the Geth that we found while on the hunt for that rogue Spectre Saren to take back to the fleet after my pilgrimage. That information was invaluable to my people and helped us to reclaim our home world. She never spoke down to me or called me ‘sewer rat’. She was my best friend.” Tali’Zorah nar Rayya vas Normandy is a mouthful that actually breaks down to her first name, Tali, last name, Zorah, born on the ship Rayya and stationed on the ship Normandy. She spent her entire life in space as did all the Quarians for the past 300 some years after they lost their home world to the Geth. The Geth being the artificial intelligence that the Quarians built to aid in the more menial tasks of daily living. Because of the sterile environment of the ships in the fleet, Quarians had to wear sterile environmental suits.

Cortez cleared his throat and started his tale. “Shepard helped me get over the survivors guilt after I lost my husband, Robert, at Ferris Fields. She insisted I take some shore leave and came with me to place a memorial photo on the Citadel. Not many commanders take that much of an interest in the emotional well-being of their crew. She truly was one of a kind.” With his ebony skin and bright blue eyes, shuttle pilot Steve Cortez, had a reputation for fixing and flying shuttles of all kinds. He was on the com with his husband during the collector attack on the planet Ferris Fields. He never saw Robert again.  
“Commander Shepard saved me from a life of tedium on the Citadel when she brought me back to the Normandy.” Dr. Chakwas was an older woman who once told Shepard that the military was her husband and the crew, her children. “After the first Normandy blew apart, Shepard replaced a bottle of Serrice ice brandy that I had lamented not opening when I had the chance. We drank the whole bottle and toasted all of you as well as those crew members who didn’t survive that attack. We did that again the next year, but I knew better than to try and match her drink for drink. That woman could drink a Krogan under the table!”

“I remember the first time I met Shepard.” Piped up Liara. “It was at the dig site on Therum. I had accidently locked myself in a stasis beam trying to ward off the Geth. When she first arrived, I thought I was dreaming. She was so beautiful and radiant. I mean, that was probably because I was looking at her through the stasis field. She brought me aboard the Normandy and treated me like part of the crew right from the beginning, putting her trust in me even though my mother, Benezia, was Saren’s right hand. I’ll never forget her!” Like all Asari, Dr. Liara T’Soni was exotic looking with her pale blue skin and dark blue eyes. When she first met Shepard, she was only 109 years old and had been an archeologist for fifty years. For a race that lives an average of 1000 years, she was barely an adult.

Garrus looked down into his empty glass and said, “Imagine my surprise when Shepard showed up to save my Turian ass when, as Archangel, three major mercenary packs joined forces to kill me.” He took a deep breath. “I thought she was dead, but there she was, standing in front of me and smiling! That’s when I got these very attractive scars on my face.” Garrus Vakarian was a Turian. The bird-like species should be best described as soldiers first. Very militant and focused on honor. Garrus was with Shepard from the beginning, when she was first inducted as a Spectre (Special Training and Recon).  
Kaidan listened in silence and felt the warmth and comradery of his shipmates envelope him like a warm and familiar blanket. It felt good to remember the good times they all shared with Shepard. It also reminded him of the regrets too, though. “If I had known I would lose her again, I never would have wasted so much time and energy mistrusting her. But she was with Cerberus! My hatred and pride got in the way of my trust in her. I spent two years mourning her and feeling guilty about surviving. She never gave up on me, thank God.” He took another long drink and sighed heavily.  
“I watched her get spaced from the original Normandy. If I hadn’t insisted on trying to save that ship, she would never have died in the first place and we never would have been with Cerberus and …” Flight Lt. Jeff “Joker” Moreau was bar none the best pilot in the Alliance Navy. He suffered with Vrolik’s Syndrome which is a form of brittle bone disease. He’d been the only pilot of the Normandy and he’d tell you that no other pilot could have handled the old girl.

The evening went on and more people spoke up about their own personal experiences with Shepard. And when things began to wind down Kaidan went back to his cabin and fell onto the bed. There he slept.  
When he awoke and washed the sleep from his eyes and dressed in his uniform, he headed to the CIC. Joker was already at his post and awaiting instructions.  
“Second star to the right and straight on until dawn, Joker.”  
“Uh, what Commander?”  
“You know, Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Tinkerbell?”  
“Must be a Canadian thing, Sir.”


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard fumbled her way back to where she had her confrontation with “Mr. Illusive”. Anderson’s body was right where she left him. He looked so peaceful as if he was just admiring the constellations. With a lump in her throat, she lifted him up into a fireman’s carry and began the search for other signs of life. 

She went maybe 100 meters or so when she heard what sounded like someone rummaging through garbage. Hopeful, she widens her stride, turned the corner and was assailed by the sickly sweet scent of decaying flesh. Right in the midst of the debris was a keeper, a benign bug like alien known for taking care of the more technical workings of the citadel. It seemed to be searching for salvage. Shepard scanned the area with her eyes and saw the early signs of restoration to the citadel. The Keepers were hard at it and didn’t seem to even notice her. Her heart soared; this was a very good sign. With renewed vigor, she quickened her steps. The farther she walked, the more she realized that the restoration here was only in the Keeper tunnels and there was no way for to reach the citadel main. She was stranded and had no idea how long she would remain here.  
“Well, Anderson, it looks like it’s just you, me and the Keepers.” She began the search for her own kind of salvage. Not metals and raw minerals to repair walls and such, but rations, water and other survival needs. She searched the bodies of civilians and military personnel alike. An appalling but necessary task. As a soldier, she was accustomed to steeling herself to accomplish many gory tasks, but dead civilians were always hard to witness. It was made even harder knowing that these people were likely to be melted down to make a living machine called a Reaper. They were pulled up through a light beam of some kind in the middle of London, England. That was how she had gotten here too, but she was alive when she arrived. These people were not so lucky. She had seen this before on the collector base when she and the crew of the Normandy went through the Omega 4 relay; a suicide mission most of them had miraculously survived. The Reaper they were building there was humanoid but in its infancy thus they were able to destroy it. That memory made her shudder and destroying all the Reapers was what led to her being stranded here, now. As she went from person to person, she said a small prayer over each and searched their pockets and purses. From the soldiers she claimed their dog tags in the hopes of giving some relief and closure to any surviving family members. 

After about an hour of searching, Shepard laid out her find to take an inventory. Fortunately, there was enough water and hard rations to last her a few weeks if she was careful. She was even able to find some replacement clothing and amour to piecemeal together some semblance of protection. It wasn’t fashionable but it was serviceable. She even found a trashy novel to read. Not really her type of book but it was something to occupy her mind. She thought of Thane, a Drell assassin she recruited when working with Cerberus. The Drell were like snake people and preferred a more arid atmosphere. When she found Thane, he was working his way through a skyscraper to assassinate a very paranoid Asari. They would speak during travel and she learned a great deal about his culture. One thing in particular was very prominent in her mind – solipsism. Thane had said that the Drell have perfect memories of their entire life right down to all five senses. Sometimes, a Drell could get lost in a wonderful memory and stay there. That was solipsism. Bad memories were remembered also but he said he could look down at his knee, for example, and see that it was not shattered. Shepard wished she could get a little lost in memories of her times with Kaidan. Her heart ached to be with him again.

After a while, the Keepers began to take the bodies to what was known as “the vats” where they could be liquefied and used for God only knew what. They were getting closer and Shepard decided it was time to take Anderson’s tags, insignia and hat for safekeeping. Just in time, too, as one Keeper descended upon them. She looked at the Keeper, “Are you Keeper number 21?” It didn’t answer. She knew it wouldn’t. It took Anderson’s body unceremoniously and Shepard choked. And now I am alone, she thought. By this time, Shepard’s wounds and loss of blood had taken their toll as the adrenaline dissipates. She slept and dreamt of the idyllic life she had hoped to have with Kaidan.


	4. Chapter 4

“Travelling at FTL speeds for prolonged periods of time isn’t good for the Normandy! I won’t save her from the Reapers just to have the old girl die in the middle of nowhere!”  
“Joker is correct, Kaidan. I have also calculated that we will run out of fuel in 2.8 weeks if we stay at this speed. Also, the crew will run out of food and water in less than that if we do not find a habitable planet to resupply.” Edi, the ship’s virtual intelligence, became fully self-aware when Joker unshackled her to save the Normandy from the collectors. She then commandeered a Cerberus “android” body that Joker heartily approved of. Some of the crew had said that she had a bedroom voice and finally a body to match.   
“Ok, ok! Joker, Edi, I hear you. I’m sorry. I just… Edi, have you found a planet for us yet?” replied an exasperated and exhausted Kaidan.  
“Yes, Kaidan, we will reach it in 2 solar days if we change course immediately.” Edi almost sounded motherly as she responded to Kaidan’s question.  
“Do it.” Kaidan left the CIC to make his rounds of the ship before writing his reports. Huh, will I even get to file these? Is there even an Alliance to go home to? Kaidan’s thoughts haunt him.

“Man!” exclaimed Joker. “I have never seen Kaidan so unglued! You know, ‘cause he’s all like, ‘Mister Controlled’.”  
“He is showing physiological signs of stress. That is normal under these circumstances, Jeff. I will ask Dr. Chakwas to keep an eye on him.”  
“Maybe she should keep both eyes on him. He nearly fell apart the first time we lost Shepard…”  
Edi interrupted him, “We have not lost Shepard yet, Jeff. She has always surprised us in the past.”  
“Ya, I know. But man, that explosion!”

Down in engineering, Gabby and Kenneth were arguing with Tali.  
“I have lived on a ship my entire life, I know the Normandy can handle more tweaking of the core drive to maximize output and “  
“No way!” Kenneth interrupted Tali midsentence. “We’ve tried that before and it took us three days to repair the damage!”  
“But I’ve done some recalculating and I know I’ve got it right this time!” Tali sounded desperate and tired.  
“Kenneth is right, Tali. She just can’t take that kind of pressure.” Gabby responded. “We have enough trouble handling being at faster than light speeds for so long. Soon we won’t be going anywhere if we don’t let up a bit.”  
“Alright, you win.” Talus was just too exhausted to argue anymore. 

Kaidan entered the medical bay for his usual L2 checkup. Dr. Chakwas was checking inventory and shaking her head.  
“Is there a problem Doc?” asked kaidan. He really hoped there wasn’t a problem.  
“Oh, Kaidan, I was just checking inventory. I had traded a lot of our supplies with the refugee camp to balance out the type we each needed. Now, however, we could probably use some of it back I’m afraid.”  
“I’m sure we’ll be able to make due, Doc. Just don’t let anyone get sick?” Kaidan attempted humor.  
“No pressure there!” laughed Dr. Chakwas. “Anyway, I’m sure you’re here for your checkup? Let’s see, I’ll just perform a few scans. How are your headaches?”  
“Bad, actually. I can’t sleep.”  
“You can’t or you won’t? I know you, Kaidan, and you need to keep a balance between work and rest.”  
“How can I rest knowing that I’m responsible for getting these people home? How did Shepard do it? She was always so sure of herself, so confident. She really made command seem effortless.”  
Dr. Chakwas laughed out loud at that one. “Oh, Kaidan! For one thing, Commander Shepard always made time for some fun and relaxation. I don’t have any Serrice ice brandy, but I do have some Batarian shard wine. Sit and we’ll have a drink together.”

Later, Kaidan was feeling a bit better as he checked in on Garrus. I’m sure he’s calibrating something! Sure enough, there he was in the middle of calibrating the main guns.  
“Garrus, do you ever stop calibrating?”  
“No, there’s always more to squeeze in. Besides, what else would I do with my time?”  
Kaidan could never tell if Garrus was being serious or not. He decided Garrus was kidding so he ventured to say, “Well, I know of one Quarian who you’ve been flirting with. Maybe you could…”  
“Oh, I thought I was more subtle than that.” Garrus was almost blushing, but then with his face all scarred up, who could really tell?

When his rounds were finally completed, Kaidan went to the starboard observation lounge, leaned his arm against the large window and sighed. Are you out there, somewhere, Shepard? I always had you to talk to when I was in doubt or confused. I don’t really know what I’m doing here. I need you. God, I need you in so many ways. Please, be alright.


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Urdnot Wrex and his mighty clan of krogan were beginning the arduous task of cleaning up the streets of London. The dead were piled and burned while scavengers looted abandoned vehicles for any tech that could be fixed. Smoke filled the air keeping others from venturing out . All sound of battle was gone and the void it left was deafening. Only the crackle of the fires and the odd clang of metal could be heard. Everyone was working in stoic silence.

Cleanup for the krogan took only a couple of days, they were quite accustomed to hard labor and made it look easy. Wrex looked out over the city and noted how much Earth now reminded him of his home planet, Tuchanka. In their own wars they managed to nuke their planet until it was no longer safely habitable. They were forced to move into caves under the surface to escape the radiation. As both the streets and the air began to clear, more people ventured out to look for loved ones they were separated from or to scavenge. Other people just needed to know the extent of the damage.

Admiral Hackett was overseeing what was left of the Alliance from the makeshift command post in an abandoned building. He could be heard barking orders in hopes of maintaining some semblance of order and control over the ensuing chaos.  
The "click, click,click" of high heels in a hurry bouncing off the barren walls soon captured the attention of all those around. Or maybe it was the resounding slap across Hackett's face that made everyone stop and stare. "HOW COULD YOU LET HER GO UP THERE BY HERSELF?!" "Hannah," murmured Hackett softly, " she wasn't alone. David was with her and..." There should have been a squad to ensure she returned to me! I haven't seen her in years and now my baby is gone! There's no way she could have survived that explosion!" "Hannah, your daughter was as stubborn, strong-willed, dedicated and talented as her parents, as you are. I never ordered to go. I didn't have to, her sense of duty and right pushed her forward and only she could have won the day. We DID win." It was all too much for Hannah Shepard and silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she mourned her only child, again. "Mothers are not supposed to bury their children." She whispered. "Not even military mothers." Admiral Hackett enveloped his long-time friend in a silent embrace until Hannah's tears finally dried. Then she just turned around, adjusted her uniform, lifted her head and left.


End file.
